POSITIVE THINKING OR JUST “TIDAK PA” ATTITUDE

Have you had the feeling that you are getting old and you are not as good as you use to be? Does it feel sometime that the fighting spirit in you has just disappeared?

Well, last Friday I felt just like that. They guys and I went to play badminton at the local sports complex. It’s been more than 3 years since I last played this game. A game I use to love so much and thought I was really good at it.

I remember the times when I lost a match, I would like get so pissed with myself and just wanna keep trying again and again until I got better and was able to win. This mentality was not restricted to just badminton but to anything I did.

But somewhere in the last 5 years, something happen to me. Now if I lost any game, I would just smile and say “good game” and tell myself that it’s just a game, it’s for fun, no biggie. Then I would lose again, and I would just go like, “oh well that dude is good….its just a game, someone has to lose…”

These are all methods of thinking which I picked up along my journey growing up. It’s what they called “positive thinking” (pls correct me if I’m wrong). Looking towards the brighter side of things, looking for the silver lining, what ever you wish to call it.

So here I am playing badminton with these 2 strangers. My buddy and I got trashed like 15-2. Throughout the match, we were laughing and enjoying ourselves while the other 2 dude were so serious and I might be wrong but I sensed frustration in them like they are not happy with the way we are playing. (C’mon we’ve not played for 3 year mate!!)

Then after the game I sat on the side looking at these people play and get so worked up over losing a point. Looking at them feel like me looking at myself 5 years ago. I suddenly asked myself, what happen to that guy? Why am I not competitive as before?

I turned to my friend and said, “positive thinking has made me a wuss!!” and he asked me why. I go on explaining to him why I felt so. This buddy of mine is 30 years old, married and has been working in top management for the last 6 years of his life. He says, “dude its not positive thinking”. He goes on “its just that the older you get, you tend to care less.”

What he felt is that when we get older, things like games, things we do for leisure don’t mean that much to us anymore. Its what we guys here call it the “f*&k it” attitude. When something goes wrong, we just go “aiyah!! f&%k it, so what”….honestly, he made sense.

Some things just don’t matter that much to me anymore. I’m still competitive in terms of my career advancement and other things that affects my life in general but don’t really care for the sub-elements of life anymore.

Its just so weird how one grow. I don’t think i’ve changed and yet I feel I’m different. Hmmm…… mysteries of life!!

FIRST SOLO FLIGHT

1st September 2005 is a historic day for me. I woke up in the morning after a sleepless night. It was 6.15 am and I had to get ready to go across to the college to prepare for my flight which was scheduled at 8.00am. I was really nervous for this flight as I was running out of hours to clear my solo check.

Just a few days back I was changed to a different instructor after failing to clear the check with my previous instructor.... The pressure is on... Many things ran through my mind.. What if I failed? What if i had to go back home? Can I look for a new job? God!! I need to start fresh again... Will companies still be interested in hiring me? I'm only gonna be a burden to my parents.

All these thoughts were only making it worst for me. You see, flying is supose to be relaxing.. If you want to fly the plane well, you mind has to be clear and totally focused only at the job at hand.

Well... this was my second flight with my new instructor. He's a really nice person. His really skillful with flying and his method of teaching was just what I needed. I manage to grasp the skill to land the plane properly ad sofly.

We started taxying the plane to the run up bay. Halfway he took control of the plane saying I was too slow. I thought man, i'm in trouble... He then completed the run ups and took off the plane. After completing one circuit, he handed the plane over to me. I did 3 touch and go's and finally the last circuit he the tower told me i have an option to glide the plane. He took the option and asked me to glide the plane down.

In my mind I was like damn, I've not done a glide before in Perth and here I am required to do a glide which might be used as an assesment for my eligibility to fly solo. I thought i was a goner!! Thankfully my instructor guided me by telling me what's I need to do. I manage to get the plane on the runway with a soft landing.

To my delight, he made a call to the tower telling them he is sendimg me on my FIRST SOLO!! Many things ran through my mind that instant... Mostly a sense of relief and yet a little worried knowing that I cannot screw this flight as there is no instructor in the plane to safe me.

After dropping my instructor at the run up bay, I taxied back to the runway and took off. I completed a circuit then landed the plane. It was wonderful.

What amazed me is that through out the flight, I can hear my instructors, voice in my head, telling me what to do. I owe him big time for this. On the same day, 4 other friends of mine cleared their solo along with me. They were all Malaysians. Everyone was saying that we must be patriotic and we all cleared it the day after Malaysian's independence day...

Today I was sitting and having breakfast with one of my buddy when he told me he has a picture of me taxying the plane on my first solo. It just happened that when I was doing my solo, his girlfriend and parents were at the lookout point taking picture of him flying. They happen to take a shot of me in my plane. I'm like no way!! That's so cool... I should get the picture sometime later this week. Will post it up then...

Anywayz, I'll end here now. WIll write soon again. My mind is still in reflection mode thinking about my life and so on.